


Outside of Eden

by siephilde42



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe – Human, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst with a sad ending, Bittersweet, Caring Crowley (Good Omens), Don't copy to another site, Hurt Aziraphale (Good Omens), Hurt/Comfort, In the sad ending Aziraphale dies, M/M, Song: From Eden (Hozier), This story has two alternative endings, non-graphical depictions of violence, psychiatric ward, you can choose which one you want
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-10-29 07:09:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20792666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siephilde42/pseuds/siephilde42
Summary: Aziza Fell has been an inmate in the psychiatric ward for years and been tormented by the head physician Dr Violet and the nurses. It's mostly a bleak existence until the ward decides to hire a new janitor, Anthony J. Crowley.





	Outside of Eden

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alcyme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alcyme/gifts).

> This story is, like "Hit Rewind" (https://archiveofourown.org/works/20624348/chapters/48972866) based on an idea by the brilliant plot bunny maker @burnthetoaster on Twitter. I gave the story a sad ending based on the original concept. For people like me who prefer endings where everything turns out well for the ineffable husbands, I added an alternative, happy ending.
> 
> I don't know much about psychiatric disorders or the history of psychiatric wards. My "knowledge" is a patchwork rug consisting mainly of anecdotes from a relative who worked in a psychiatric hospital and movies like "Shutter Island", "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" and "A Beautiful Mind".

After not even five minutes, he felt the uneasiness setting in.

_Why exactly did I apply for work here?_, he thought while watching two nurses manhandling a screaming inmate and constraining her with a straitjacket. _Right. Because my uncle has ties to the head physician. _He clenched his teeth and tried his best to ignore the - now muffled - screaming. 

"You must be Anthony", someone addressed him. A tall man with short dark hair, beaming at him. 

With a quick glance at the name tag, he confirmed the identity of the man. "Hello, Dr Violet. Nice to meet you."

The doctor shook his head, giving him a friendly pat on the shoulder. "Just call me Gabriel." 

In the background, the inmate had started kicking and headbutted one of the nurses. "Ow!", the nurse cried out and slapped the inmate across the face, effectively silencing her. 

Not even looking at the scene, Dr Violet continued. "Maybe we should take this to a more calm place? I'll show you to your office." 

"Yeah, alright...", Anthony said, unable to pull away his eyes from the inmate, whose head was now hanging low. 

Dr Violet took his arm, leading him away. "Apologies. It's not always like this. Most of the time, the inmates are rather quiet."

_ Because they are scared of _ you, Anthony thought, but did not say out aloud. 

"There it is. Your kingdom. And the shed for the garden tools is just outside the door there." The physician handed him a key ring. "Just use the master key to open the door to the garden. Please, always lock each door immediately after you have used it. From your uncle's resume I'll assume that you know how to go about your janitor duties." He smiled at the red-haired man. "Any questions?"

_Is it really necessary to manhandle the patients like this? Aren't there more non-violent approaches?_ Instead he asked "Uh, are there any rules? Can I go anywhere?"

Dr Violet chuckled. "You are the janitor, so of course. Just don't interrupt any medical procedures. And let the nurses do their job." His voice had now a cautionary edge to it which revealed that he, in fact, had sensed Anthony's discomfort earlier. 

"Of course", Anthony replied in a flat voice. 

"Well, if that'll be all, I'll go back to work now", the doctor said and waved at the desk. "Familiarise yourself with your new environment and if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask me or Nurse Michael." 

"Thank you", Anthony replied, but Dr Violet was already gone. 

With a heavy sigh, Anthony let himself fall into the chair. "Damn you, Uncle." 

***

He definitely did not like the place. If anything, his discomfort grew more and more each day. It was sterile, with white walls, without any decor and felt more like a prison than a hospital ward. After a while, he had caught on that a lot of patients (and some of the personnel too) called the ward "Heaven" instead of using its real name. _How ironic._ Even if he was not a doctor or a nurse, most of the patients would shy away when they saw him, their manner subdued. The only part about his work he did not hate was tending to the garden. Cutting roses, refilling the bird bath, watering the flowers and trimming the hedges. He even tried to create patterns, getting more craftful over time. However, often when he went out to the garden, he felt a hint of guilt. After all, this beautiful garden was mainly reserved for the doctors and nurses. Only the most compliant patients - a tiny fraction of the inmates - would be allowed to go outside from time to time. He sighed, examining the bush in front of him and decided that he was done with the garden for today. He removed his sunhat and his gloves, putting them back into the shed and made his way back inside.

"Where is it? I cannot find it", he heard someone cry. He turned to see a panicked man pacing over the hallway. For a very brief moment, he considered calling Nurse Uriel or Sandy, but then he decided against it. "Can I help you?", he asked, approaching the inmate.

With terror on his face, the man whirled around and faced him. "H...help me?"

Patiently, Anthony repeated his offer. "Yes. You are looking for something, aren't you? Can I help you find it?"

The man raised his arm, running his hand thorough his blond locks. "M...maybe. I... I'm looking for my flaming sword."

"Your flaming sword?", the janitor repeated, trying to give encouraging feedback. "Where did you last see it?"

"Uh... at the border to Eden, I think", the man replied.

"Eden?", Anthony asked.

"Yes. I was on duty, you see. Watching over them and the tree. From afar, though the windows."

"'Them'?"

"Adam and Eve. God told me to watch over them."

"God talks to you?"

"Yes. All the time. Telling me to do this and that."

Anthony took a moment to think. How to calm the man down? _Here goes nothing_, he thought. "Maybe they... took it? For protection, I mean."

"Uh...", the man looked at him in confusion.

_I hope that wasn't the wrong thing to say. What if he gets angry at them?_

Suddenly, the inmate's face lightened up. "Now that you mention it... I remember now. I gave it away. To them, for defence from wild animals and the cold. I'm sorry. Having some memory issues. She's expecting already, you see. Couldn't leave them like that."

Anthony exhaled. Good. Apparently it had been the right thing to say.

Only, some moments later the man's face fell again. "But I defied God... God bestowed me with the sword, and I gave it away. God will be so angry." The panic crept into his voice again.

"It was the right thing to do", Anthony tried to assert him. "God surely won't punish you for _caring _about the first humans."

"But... but..."

Anthony decided to try distraction. "What's your name, anyway?"

The man looked up with a start. It was evident nobody had asked him this question in years. "Uh... You can call me Azi. All other angels do. At least the nice ones."

_Angels. Fits the silly nickname of the ward. _"So you're an angel, then?"

The man nodded. "Principality Aziraphale, Angel of the East Gate. I'm glad to meet you." He reached out to shake Anthony's hand.

"Nice to meet you, Azi. I'm Anthony. Anthony J. Crowley, the new janitor", he replied and shook Azi's hand.

"Hi, Anthony", Azi smiled.

"You all good?", Crowley asked after letting go of his hand.

"I am now, I think", the inmate replied, beaming at him.

"Good", Anthony said, waving a friendly goodbye at him before making his way to the office. In the office, he turned on his radio.

_There's something tragic about you_

  
_ Something so magic about you_

  
_ Don't you agree_ 1

_***_

After this incident, the two of them would talk from time to time, mostly about the garden. Mr Aziza Fell (as that was the name Anthony had read on the room tag) would seek him out and ask him questions. "How is it out there? From the glimpse I caught it seems to be warm outside today. Is it? It must be lovely."

"It is", Anthony confirmed and smiled at him.

"I would like very much to see the flowers at close. There are so many of them", Azi continued.

It seemed Mr Fell wanted to add something else, but when he saw Nurse Michael in the hallway, he scurried away. "I don't think the archangels would like you talking to the lower ranks", he called to Anthony over his shoulder.

The next time Anthony was in the garden, weeding close to the rose bushes, he stood up and considered the bush, full of dark red blossoms. _Oh well_, he thought. _It's not as if anyone will notice a missing rose, will they? _He cut down a rose and placed it carefully in his chest pocket.

When Mr Fell came into his room that evening, there was a water glass sitting on the windowsill, a rose in it. He picked it up, admired it, took a deep inhale to savour the smell, and smiled.

As long as the rose bushes blossomed, there was a fresh rose in Mr Fell's room every night.

"What does the J stand for, actually?", Mr Fell asked, some months into their friendship, relationship, whatever you wanted to call it. Because of his position as janitor, Anthony was painfully aware that he probably should not put any label on it. But he could not deny that Mr Fell had grown on him.

"Uh, Jonathan."

"Gift of God. How fitting."

Anthony felt himself blushing. "You shouldn't say that", he said, averting his face.

"W...why not?", the inmate stammered.

"My family would disagree with you, you know", Anthony replied when his blush had subsided. "I, uh, I have made mistakes. I... I am a drug addict. I'm clean now, have been for a while, but at my old workplace, I started... to steal things. And I would get aggressive. Yell at the personnel, throw things. I never actually hurt someone, but... eventually, they fired me, of course. And I didn't find new work until my uncle recommended me to Dr Violet." He waved at the white wall. "And now I'm stuck here. I'm a failure, actually."

"You're not", Mr Fell protested.

"No?", Anthony asked weakly.

"No. Look at me. I'm always in fear of the archangels. And I never will get to see Eden for myself."

_Eden. Of course the garden must seem like paradise_, Anthony thought, feeling a stab to his heart.

"So if you ask me who's the failure out of us, I'm pretty sure it isn't you", the inmate continued.

"You really shouldn't call yourself a failure."

"Then I won't. But you don't, either."

***

It was early autumn when the catastrophe came about.

Anthony was making his late-afternoon round when he overheard Uriel and Sandy talking.

"That nutjob", Sandy exclaimed. "The bite still hurts like hell."

"Well, I hope we have knocked some sense into him. Fucking _messenger of God. _Ha."

At this utterance from Uriel, Anthony felt his entire body go cold. He turned to face them. "Uh, what exactly happened?"

"Eh", Sandy replied, "Aziza Fell went batshit again. Yelled something about God wanting him to get out and watch over Eden. We couldn't calm him down. Had to fixate him and gave him some electric shocks, for good measure. _That _finally calmed him down."

For a brief moment, Anthony felt anger well up in him, and he had the strong impulse to hit Sandy in the face. Break his nose, and then keep on hitting, and... But he managed to control himself. _If you do this, they will throw you out and you will never see him again. That's a bad idea. _

"I see", he said, voice calm. "Where is he now? Still in the restraining cell?"

"Nah", Uriel replied, "he calmed down in the end, so he is back in his room."

It costed him a lot of effort not to run down the hallway. He turned his back to the nurses, slowly going down the corridor. When he was out of their sight, he picked up the pace and rushed to the room.

"Azi!", he called out.

Azi was sitting on the bed, not even looking up.

Anthony felt tears coming, and he did not try to stop them. "Azi. Are you all right?"

There was no response whatsoever. No sign the man had heard him at all.

"Talk to me, please", he begged, now sitting down beside him and putting his hand on Azi's. "Please..."

Mr Fell did not move a muscle.

The next days, Anthony would return to Mr Fell's room, always bringing some twigs with him, rose hips and such. Mr Fell always stayed silent, never looking up or acknowledging his presence.

Anthony cried himself to sleep each night. On the third afternoon, finally, an idea came to him. He again walked to the room, this time no bunch in hand. "Azi", he said, "how about we go and see Eden now?"

This, at last, got a reaction out of the inmate. Mr Fell stirred on the bed, shifting his head to look at him. "But won't they notice?"

"I hope not. It's the weekend, so there's only one nurse here. Let's go?" He approached the bed, putting his hand on Azi's again.

This time, the inmate seized his hand in return and stood up from the bed. "Let's go", he said.

The moment Anthony opened the door to the garden with the master key, Azi started smiling.

Letting go of his hand, the inmate began to explore the garden, looking at each bush, pond, flower bed and tree, even plucking an apple. "Come sit?", he asked Anthony, looking from the janitor to a bench next to one of the ponds. 

"Certainly", Anthony replied, settling down next to him.

"It's scrumptious", the inmate judged, biting into the apple. He beamed at Anthony. "I don't think I have been this happy in ages. Thank you for showing me."

"I... Always", Anthony replied.

"And you're definitely not a failure. It's wonderful what you have done with these bushes. You even cut some of them in angel form! And snakes as well. I think you could earn a lot of money doing this garden art."

"Oh, hush", the janitor tried to silence him.

"Just telling the truth", Azi smirked.

The sun was going down, bathing the garden in streaks of gold.

"Beautiful. So beautiful", Aziza Fell exclaimed, taking Anthony's hand again, squeezing it. He repositioned himself, dropping his head on Anthony's chest. "I could sit here forever with you."

"Me too", Anthony whispered, running his hands through the soft locks.

Azi shifted around to make himself more comfortable. "I'm tired", he said.

"Well, then sleep, angel", Anthony replied, kissing his forehead. "I'll stay right here."

"Thank you, my dear", Azi answered, already half asleep, smiling at him.

***

The following section is the sad ending. If you only want to read the happy ending, skip the section by going to the next "***"

~ SAD ENDING ~

Aziza Fell dreamt. It was a much more vivid dream than the others he had had in his life. He was still on the bench, snuggled up with Anthony, but the garden seemed to glow in an eerie light. The janitor was soundly asleep, so he did not see when from the far end of the garden, a figure approached, a middle-aged woman Azi had never seen before. Azi frowned. "Who are you?", he asked, confused.

When she spoke up and addressed him, he instantly recognised her voice. He had heard it so often, but he had never seen her.

"Aziraphale", she said, approaching the bench. Her face was kind. "It's time to leave the garden", she said, extending her hand towards him.

He seized her hand and rose from the bench, smiling at her. Together, they walked away.

Some hours later, the sun woke Anthony up. "Oh. I think we should go back inside. Azi?" When his hand touched Mr Fell's forehead, the skin was cold.

"No", he called out in horror. "Azi!" He rushed inside to call for a doctor. Of course, it was hopeless, as he had been dead for several hours.

Inexplicably, Mr Aziza Fell had still a smile on his face, even in death. The autopsy did not come to a conclusive result, even if there were rumours that it could have been a consequence of the electric shocks.

Anthony J. Crowley quit his job the same day Mr Fell died, moving on to become a famous botanical artist. For the rest of his life, he would not forget the smile Mr Fell had given him before falling asleep.

THE END

***

The following section is the promised happy ending.

~ HAPPY ENDING ~

Anthony fell asleep too eventually. When he woke up, Azi was gone. There was only a note lying beside him on the bench. "I'm sorry, darling", it said, "but after you fell asleep, God spoke to me. She said to me 'Aziraphale, it's time to leave the garden.' I got up, and upon a second examination of the garden I noticed that it could be possible to get out by climbing the apple tree and over the wall. I'll try to get out there. I'm sorry for the trouble you'll get in, and I hope you can forgive me and won't be angry at me if we ever meet again. Always yours, Aziraphale."

Anthony J. Crowley smiled. Something told him that the former inmate and himself would be fine, and that they would, eventually, meet again. Some day. Somewhere. Somewhere else outside of Eden.

"Time to quit that damned job", he mumbled and stood up from the bench, sauntering into Heaven for the last time.

THE END

1 Lyrics by Hozier, From Eden. Of course playing the song doesn't match the timeline (60's maybe?), but oh well. It's an alternative universe after all.

**Author's Note:**

> I made myself sad during writing this, but actually I love both endings. I tried to capture the atmosphere of "The Little Match Girl" by Andersen in the sad ending.


End file.
